Letter to My Daughters-in-law (I)

 

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Dear Daughters (in-waiting),

I had waited so long to remove the 'in-waiting' part so I could properly address you as 'daughter'.

I can't explain this but you have been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe it is the realization that time is not slowing down as I celebrate the sixth mother's day and these boys of mine are growing way too fast.


If you are lucky, they would have put on a whole lot of flesh by the time you eventually meet. They are still 'lepacious' as I write this letter to you but slim shadies or not, you are going to have really beautiful times together.

I am aware that the days I have with them is less one today while you are going to be with them for a lifetime so I intend praying for you and keeping you real close, starting from now. Yes, I do mean it.

Not in the 'monster-in-law' fashion so do not entertain any fear there. 

I mean, my sons are going to transfer some of the love I presently 'colonize' to you, so what better way to consolidate other than to be close to you both?

I am positive we will complete one another in a good way and we sure are going to be great friends and confidants, if you allow me.

You know, decades before we met, I knew you would definitely come and 'complete' my all-boys family. Whenever well-meaning people tells me to 'try' one more time for a girl, I always smiled and say to them that I've got two girls in waiting. Haven't I?

Ain't you lucky to have a new mother that had been waiting her whole life just to meet and love you? I am not going to replace your own mothers or expect you to love them any less, no one can and no reasonable woman should expect that of anyone and I sure am reasonable.

By the way, your mothers and I are also going to love one another and be best of buddies, I hope and pray.

Talking about love, you are sure getting more than a double portion of what I got in my time and so I say you are doubly lucky.

Lest I forget, one word about trying for 'one more'; my daughter, do not ever fall into that trap because those 'well-meaning' people would not stay with you through the red-eyed sleepless nights nor would they send you the much needed cash for Huggies or Milk whenever the stash is running low!
Moreover, what if you try for 'one more' and end up getting the same 'result', are you going to keep trying for 'one more' until you probably end up with a complete football team? I no dey for that one o.

Be it an all-boys or all-girls brood, you are blessed regardless; the main objective is for them/him/her to be healthy and for you to have the resources to give them/him/her a 'good life'.

Omo l'omo nje o, ikan o ju'kan lo!

I should know because I've been around awhile.

Now let me gist you a little about our evening yesterday; I had just come back from work and trying to get so much done amidst the hullabaloo and little tangle of feet and arms that were your husbands to-be with the added bonus of an aching back. (I tell you, it is as beautifully hard as it gets but you are going to enjoy it and hopefully, you would get an easier deal..Don't ask me about it yet. *wink*). When you get to 'that phase', remember to smile thankfully through the stress and enjoy every moment you get.

One of your would-be husbands -D1 joined me in the kitchen while I sweated over the 'basic' rice and fish stew to ask me countless times how he could help.

He is one heck of a nice dude, that one. (Daughter, you are 'seriously' getting a GEM!)

And mind you, he doesn't do that 'once in a blue moon', he does it every time I am in the kitchen. He takes pleasure in helping people though this could be a clog when one is trying hard to put a quick one together and escape from the 'hot house'...you know what I mean?

For your sake, he'd hopefully stay this way though he might not be easily primed away from his News channels and Champion League games to offer you help EVERY TIME the way he abandons cartoon network or his art work anytime I am in the kitchen today but whenever he does 'saunter' into the kitchen to assist you in any way, count it all joy and revel in it.

A word of caution though, do not ever take this for granted in any way.

You see, in this part of the world, it is a big deal because men are raised to be the 'lords' of their homes; many have mis-interpreted this 'lordship' and would never get off their high horses to do 'menial' domestic chores WITH their wives even though such are always quick to critique wifeys' culinary / cleaning / bedroom skills while some of the men around are simply too laid-back to help.

Being laid-back and lazy are birds of a feather, right? (Your would-be husbands are neither)

Such men would never fully understand the concept of marriage let alone know what a little help could do for a young woman but thankfully, you are in for a sweet ride.

I digress.

'We'  succeeded in making dinner and served everyone, and just as your husbands-to-be were going through the motions of wolfing down the rice and fish stew topped with plantain under the watchful eyes of your dad-in-waiting, D1 lifted his head and stopped me in my tracks with these words spoken in the tenderest innocently babyish voice. (Never mind that he is six now, I kinda miss those tediously sweet baby years)

''Mum, you're doing a very nice hard job, maybe you should relax a little and eat''

I could barely mutter the lovey-dovey acknowledging thanks before escaping into the room to stretch my back and 'relax a little' forgetting the '..and eat' part.

A little warning for you my dear daughter (in-waiting), some days are going to come when after cooking up a storm your tongue would want nothing to do with the results of your effort.

I'm sniffing as I type this but don't mind your mum-in-waiting, she could be an emotional wreck at the slightest provocation.

Now to the big warning 'numero uno': Your husband-to-be is a very 'un-african' caring, considerate and passionate young man who is not shy to express his love verbally and is also always delighted to lend a helping hand.

You would come to know the characteristics of the 'typical african' man very soon.

From cleaning to nail painting, your would-be husband is a star - a real catch if I may say so.

I just got my nails painted, unsolicited and while trying to nap at that. Talk about a 5-star treatment on my bed.

It is however up to you to decide whether you would want to grimacingly waltz around town in the smear campaign lovingly wrought on your dainty toes.

Never knew they are this bloated...and blue of all the colors in the pack!

So when you're gifted with a man who is willing to help out in the kitchen as well as smear paint your nails, graciously accept it and count yourself lucky to be among the 'blessed' ones.

Another warning though, never dwell on this enough to draw a roaster for you both as the tiny 'african' lord in him may flip off the handle.

You see, men are naturally proud and a tiny unguarded moment may tilt the scale. So watch out for this.

Let me put a rein on the advise for now lest I bore you before we meet finally; did I mention that I got a beautifully 'tied' bracelet and letter (from one of your would-be husbands) and a nice little mint dress (from your dad-in-waiting) as my gifts for this year's mothers' day? I have a juicy little gist for you regarding the gifts which I would definitely share soon.

A last word of advice (for now), I would not want you to turn yourselves into glorified slaves for your husbands or kill yourselves while trying to carry out your duties but you do need to be the Proverbs 31 woman (though I'm still striving to meet up), take care of their NEEDs and absolutely respect them. A little secret here, some men love 'praise-singing' and ALL men love to be respected.

I know they love you as much as you love them, if not more, so keep respecting them and massage their ego as constantly as they help and tell you, 'sweetheart, you're doing a nice hard job, maybe you should relax a little and rest'.

I have tons to share with you but we still have several years between now and then, haven't we?

Love always,

Your mum-in-waiting.